What if we were honest

And I said it hurts like hell

And when you never showed

I knew why all too well

But I still want your smile

I still want your smell

I still want to hear you whisper

I know you all too well

Just one more graveyard romance

One more missed last chance

One more time an almost rhyme

I wait for you to glance.

One more empty house

One more nervous heart

One more perfect night

The morning tears apart

One more motorcycle drive by

On a spring afternoon

Holding a stranger I know well

That I lost way too soon.

I'll be home for Christmas

I wonder
If the memories you hide
Are the same as the ones I digitalize
And if you saved the words you destroyed
And if you wonder if maybe I did
And how often I read them
And what I think
Like maybe you're brilliant when you put pen to ink
And maybe I can't possibly let that go
And what I actually want most of all
Is to find a way to refill your soul
With words that always seemed to flow
So perfectly effortless they seduce
Leaving me wanting
The high they induced
I lived to be your muse
And your words were always mine.
I get lost searching for a way
To leave it all behind.
And somehow in the end I always find
This whole time
It was me
Who was running blind.

The Patron Saint of Lost Causes

You were a master of twisting reality, words, and esteem.And you were stronger than me.
So I shattered.
And you were king.
It was your world and I survived in it.
And I didn't know then, but you thrived on that.
Only you don't get to control me.
You don't get to determine my worth.
And eventually I found my way out.
And it broke my heart when you didn't follow or cry out or feel
anything at all
And I thank you so much for that
I finally escaped you.
But I still loved you just enough to keep my silence
To pretend it was mutual
You didn't break my heart.
You ripped it out and held it in front of me.
And dared me to scream
And laughed in my face as I bled to death
But I didn't.
Hollow men will not rule me.
They will not silence me anymore.
I'm the phoenix. And you are no longer king.

Wherever you go, You take yourself with you

I haven't found another place that feels as mine. 

Maybe you only get one in your life.

Did you forget I can see right through you?

I didn't

It's what keeps me smiling

How are those inspirational quotes working out for you?

Your drunken smile is adorable

It looks like emptiness

Just the way you wanted it.

And now it's all yours, with nothing holding you back

I hope you enjoy every minute of it.

Because I am.

You can't change your blood

I don't hurt anymore. 

Another reason to bury it deep away

beyond reach of hearts with any intentions, dark, or light.

Because no good can come from investing yourself into another human being.

Put your soul into words, into music, into philosophy. Not flesh. 

Flesh will decay,

flesh will rot,

and with certainty flesh will deceive.

Including your own.

Especially your own.

You can't change your blood.

I've tried and tried.