Something you should know.

I told myself I couldn't stay for a boy
I painted myself brave and then drove away
Self deprecating vanity hid the grief
And when it leaked so did the blood held in my wrists
And we kept on fighting with balled up fists and pain
we replaced with a drunken kiss

We survived but I didn't realize...
I told myself I couldn't stay
That's exactly what I did
He wasn't the boy I thought I left
The boy the summer hid
Guitars are loud and blue eyes pretty
but yours were the ones that brought me back to this city.

And Fate in it's beautifully wicked demeanor
knew that coming back was not the cure
And time slipped by and our words slowed
and in driveways once shared we stood alone

We made our choices, we disregarded the voices
the ones that told us to take the risks
to break our fears and save our wrists
and throw out those pills for good
But we learned on our own time
and we found replacements that became another reason to rhyme

I'm not saying im not happy now
Or that given the chance I would change it all
It's just that I can't see your eyes
So I don't know what's going on inside
To decipher feelings and truth;
What I didn't realize on that northbound drive
I was coming back to you.

If this is just a part I portray.

In my second life you won.

We got a place and lived in the sun

It was more than a fairy tale.

And then the second him came along.

I still check

Should I not?

Oh the places you'll go

I'm sorry for making you cry
I'm sorry I found out too late that you lied
I'm sorry I wasn't on time
And that you left without saying goodbye
I'm sorry you ran into the woods
And left me alone to be driven home
I'm sorry they saw us a mess
And hated the thought of us together
I'm sorry we could never find out if it ever gets better
I'm sorry we never walked on the beach
that all of the plans were just too out of reach
I'm sorry you're too young
and I was young too
I'm sorry you got hurt
I'm sorry for you
I'm sorry that the medicine makes you numb
but without it you're in a different kind of prison
I'm sorry you're gone
I'm sorry I am too
I'm sorry I still get sad when I think about you
I'm sorry I'll never know if you'll ever know
I'm sorry this is the only thing I can do

I wish you would wish I could

I have no time, no money
I have no patience
for anybody
I have a heart in my hand
I'm dropping
And it's worth everything
I'm standing behind a one way mirror
and watching her throw stones
bruised and blessed shes dying here
no intentions left just pretend to hear
and moved inside invisible
the reason for the physical
I got my hopes up tonight
the silence was suspense
my pain less evident.

They only had yellow.

One of these days we will cross paths

and I dont know what i will feel or say

and if your voice will captivate

me in the same way

like it always had before

like I said I shut the door

but lay bleeding on the floor

with an open window facing your watchful eye

knowing you wouldn't let me die

I couldnt let us die

I dragged your willing body with me

You gave me your hands to tie

you hate me rightfully

I was always moving but never changed

until I felt too far away

and fell back to you in escalated states

you drove me home, you drove me away

to your bed and other sins we faked.

When I see you will they rise from graves

will it hurt you or me or just the ones we played

I loved, but didnt know how to fully

Im not sorry he was the only one who could see through me

who stuck around until he knew me

I chose it, still he held the key

and now I live happily

ever after

with only passing thoughts

of the mystery that wasnt ours

of lives you lead

having nothing to do with me

hundred

We all stopped writing

But now that I live just around the corner

I guess I don't need you to drive me home.

Honestly, I haven't thought about you in awhile.

It doesn't change anything.

smile

You should be too.

Things that start with the letter three, or consonance

Oh for the day,when I sway to drift again

and you find me, but I'm far away

will it shade the days

we spent on your family's lake

and this life is running me in circles

overlapping sloppy words

that lend themselves to different lives

In different tenses of love alligned

and the word memory is poison, but it tastes divine

Like the time you couldn't leave the dock

and I knew something inside of you was dying

and when we heard the songs about breaking every clock

but we forgot to forget the hands of time

Did I know you best all along?

Were we really discrete?

laying in streets

spending more than our share in backseats

of cars the color of coldplay songs

Like the times I used what I could

and you let me excite you

above where they stood

and sometimes I wonder too

If only they knew then

Maybe it would be different

If we ever fit in, with the animals we love

and the one that gets attacked by them

and the ones that were, where the black squirrels live

And the fruit you cut born from fields forever

In the torso of Adam and the legs of Fitch

how the thread that covered us meant so much then

and the one we pulled over us in your basement

hiding truths of rooftops and rain and lovers attention

waking up in hawaiian boundaries

the days when they laughed

at our awkwardly pressed and innocent bodies

And we never really had a chance between blue skies

between brown eyes and long goodbyes

to have something we had to hide

I'm sorry, If I let you go

I'm sorry if I missed your eyes

I got lost in lies, of yours and mine

and somewhere between our lines

a boy and girl live happily

ever and ever and ever after

And who am I, or who are you

To tell them that oughtn't to?

byassociation

so i'll keep writing

and you will too

we will never know each other

but we'll know each other best.

always

better than anyone filling the place ever could

because everything that meant anything died

with us

I'll admit.

suspense.

blankets.

movies.

it all meant more then

and living vicariously

was enough?

and we were all stars

we were all famous

and we still are

by association.